One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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