I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
