so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
