If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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