Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl

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(575): View more from New Mexico

She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.

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(916): View more from California

It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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(917): View more from New York City

u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.

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