My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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