My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
