he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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