I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
