We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
