My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
