Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
