I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
