If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
