i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
