I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
