Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means