I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.