...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.