WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.