her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
