Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
