I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
