I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
