shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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