I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
