A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
