Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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