Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize