He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
