I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
