I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
