He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
