So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
