You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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