$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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