Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
