The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
