dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
