Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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