I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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