Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
