I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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