Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
