I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's get the cat blown out
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
