maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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