Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
