He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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