Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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