I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How's work?
Spinning.
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Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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