Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
