Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
