sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
