I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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