In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
