I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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