Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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