Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
