I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize