I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
