you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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