i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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