you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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