i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
