dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
