I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
