Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
