just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
where are my eyebrows?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
