got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
