I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
nutella sex= disaster
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
