I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
