Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
